Hmmm, the feeling now is really upset and stressed. Can’t really find anyone to say out all the feelings and problems, even though there may have people out there wish to lend their ear, but I think they won’t be able to understand how I feel also. And it will be the same as using blog to release out all this, as it is like talking to the wall how I am feeling now but I think rather than trouble and may spoil other people’s mood, I would rather choose to this way to release out all the things that I want to say.

This year NPAP 09 is the 50^th Anniversary, and this will be my 4^th time and the last time I will be participating in this parade. People sure will have higher expectation on me, and maybe this is where all my stress and pressure is coming from. A lot of people are seeing how I act and do things, people like cadets, my junior instructor, my higher level in charge, and the rest of the officers. And this year I am training the boys GOH contingent, and their standard should be much better than the rest of the supporting contingent. If the contingent didn’t really met the expectation that you have and when others say that their standard is lousy, this show how lousy the trainer is also, cause only lousy trainer will train out a lousy contingent. It is either we make it or we break it, and I really wish we can all make it.

Today is the full-dress rehearsal, just one glance from the front, my heart really felt upset and disappointed. And I don’t know what else I can do to change or motivate them already, scold them, talk to them nicely, let them realize how bad their drills is, tell them again and again on main important points to take note, don’t know how many of them really listen and do it. There are not much time already, only left will 3 training before the actual day already, I am getting more and more stress and worry. Cadets they all need motivation, trainers will be there to motivate them, but if trainer like me also need motivation, who will be there to motivate me? Feel so disappointed and lost, don’t know what to do anymore………. =/

10:48 PM